Soooo Week 7 is over and we are seeing who is setting up to be the most useless. AintReba’s dream season continues, TBIAC is close on her tiny little boot heels and the rest are flailing away week by week searching for continuity, or good decisions, or healthy players or just for the FFL Gods to be kind. Lots of fake foosball to be played. Let’s get to this weeks recap of This Is Serious Business!!

In the early game this week, the FFL Gods were watching, and judging, and conniving and just plain mean, at least to the Cats. 118-85. Stroud was horrible, Diontae was worse and the Jets D, the most useless. Big Diesel clearly sacrificed a rotisserie chicken, or something, to appease the Gods and they returned the favor with 26 from Breece and Mixon and 18 from Tee. This game was over before it even started. On to the next game (after running by Murder Rat Kroger for some of that special chicken).

In the battle for Oaklawn, two heated enemies faced off at Enron Memorial Stadium, just down the street from Jerry’s compound, and Hunkys. Not sure why that was the geographical reference point Nizz used as directions, or why he knows it so well… But back to football of the imaginary type. TBIAC fought through terrible QB play with 32 from Gibbs, 26 by Saquon, and Bowers (maybe the TE1) 19. Nizz, with his 4th head coach of the season started off hot with Kyren rumbling for 19 and Pitts shocking us all with 13. Tucker, the Great One, kicked in 13 and Phi D went off with 22. The rest of the team didnt respond to the new coaching staffs pregame pep rally. Harrison Jr 5, Tank 0, Mostert (most experts #1 waiver wire pickup this week) 3. 124-102, Nizz goes down like his Head Coach’s chance of a new contract. The Capt rolls on. Oaklawn is his playground now!

In the Sunday Night game, the little FFL team that could, did…again. 3 in a row. As we learned last week, that’s called a winning streak! Team Pigg hosted the diminutive brawlers to his home field, frozen and devoid of fans. And lost. 147-129. Pigg played a great game, but the FFL gods are fickle. 21 from Allen, 16 by Najee and Coop caught 16. Godwin (RIP)13 before the end of his season happened. 17 kicked by Seibert and a monster 26 from the Denver D. But, as we all know by now, it wasn’t enough to stop the miniature footballer. 22, 26, 19, 18, 14, 17, 15, 9, and 4. Solid game by both, but there is only one winner and it wasn’t Pigg.

In a game that all (Screamin A Smith, Bayless and George Dunham) agreed was the trap game of the week, the Commish rolled into the Broken Spoke (not much of a stadium, more of a honky tonk) to face off with the undefeated, top scoring, loudest smack talker in TISB, AintReba. DFUN came out swinging, taking an early lead. Jacobs 20, Njoku 23 and Amon 25. AintReba countered with 0 from DSmith, 2 from Koo and only 9 from JCook. Monday Night came along and the experts looked like experts… DFUN was up 45. Reba only had two players left. But their names were DHenry and Lamar. So the audience watched, silent, worried, excited. There was talk of saving the game tickets to hand down to their grandchildren. Selfies were taken, tears were shed. This was the week! The curse was going to be lifted, and by the least imaginable team in the league. DFUN began to celebrate. Too early. Lamar was everywhere all at once, running and kind of throwing the ball. The win % went from 72-68. DHenry was bottled up, struggling to get past a stacked box. Lamar tossed another TD and the % dropped again. There was hope in the stadium that night. Halftime came and DHenry had 8 points. Then it got real, like the nightmare Felix has had every night since. DHenry breaks a long run, Lamar keeps passing TDs. Then the King does it again, and Lamar does it again. And then again. Jackson ended the night with 5 TDs and 34 points, DHenry 169 yds and a touchdown for 25. Commish falls by 15, 124-139. No lead is safe in TISB. And no one is safe from the terror we call AintReba.

What Felix see’s in his FFL nightmares….

Another week of FFL, another week of winning and losing. Most of the Niners are broken, the ‘Boys are terrible and it’s still 90 freaking degrees in late October. Sooooo, it’s only upward from here, hopefully. New week, new chance of not becoming the most useless. You know we are looking at you…

In response to the question of 2 wins in a row being a streak, the great Canadien philosopher Shoresy said the above. Beautiful words, we can all agree. But the meaning was you get the dub anyway you can. Cheat, scratch, claw, or in one of our colleagues case…..stop playing terrible FFL. “ESPN breaking news alert music” LO has won again!!! Two in a row, and as we learned from Manager Lou Brown, that’s called a winning streak! Some people are used to winning, AintReba and TBIAC, but the rest of the league has struggled with putting wins together. But our litțle slugger did it! Let’s find out how in this weeks edition of This is Serious Business!

In the most apparent trap game in the history of FFL, Nizz came to town planning on helicoptering out with an easy W. And who would blame him? LO, still drunk on last weeks victory, was bound to fall back to earth and the pits of TISB, also known as FFL hell. But we allllll know what happened. Nizzle wasn’t prepared, was overconfident, and didn’t have a good game plan. LO was ready. AJBrown 23, Hurts 21, London 19 and Chase 12 to go with 28 from her special teams. Nizz countered with 28 from his K/Def. Cedee grabbed 16 and Love 25. Time Out, let’s time warp to the end of the game…. Team Governor Nathan Nizzle III Esq. stormed onto the field and fired his third coach of the season. Over a loss? Seems like an overreaction even from the Al Davis of the FFL. What happened? Oh yeah, forgot to mention the former head coach started Nick Chubb who hasn’t played since blowing his knee out last year and JTaylor who was injured and OUT prior to kickoff and Marvin Harrison concussed himself before scoring a point. Talk about overconfident!! LO wins, Nizz loses, and Jason Garret is back on the street looking for a job, and a ride home to Highland Park.

Week 6 had our Northern participant landing in Lil D and enter the hallowed halls of Courtney E Burke memorial stadium. This turf, though not frozen like Team Piggs, has seen some great football, not always from the home team. This week was no different except the Cats came to play! 140-120. Kyler sucked, Conner sucked, but Bijan, Diantae, Garret and JK didn’t. For Pigg, Mayfield was great, Dowdle some how got to double digits, Godwin exploded for 35 and Siebert kicked 15. Back and forth game, fighting and clawing for that one inch, and 14 points from the Bears D finished it for the home team! Good game, good win, tough loss. Pigg flies home before they close the airport due to blizzard conditions.

AintReba won again. Big D gave it a valiant effort, but goes down as the 6th victim of the tiny reckless driver this season. 158-141. Good news for BD is he scored the second highest points of the week. And lost.

And in the Sunday Night finale, DFUN loaded up everyone in his tiny electric car and headed south to Bernie Madoff coliseum to take on the Capt. On paper, this looked like another easy W for TBIAC. But the Commish had spent the previous days on the computer, signing up for FantasyPros, ProFantasy, FantasyforPros, and ProsdoFantasy and one fantasy site that turned out to be NOT football related (you can ask him about that). All the best nerd minds and keyboard gridironers came together and calculated the best possible team. Not sure what data was used, but it spit out a starting QB in one Dak Prescott and his $60 mil paycheck and his 3 total points. He did not get injured. He, like them ‘Boys just suck. WOW. But Deebo did what Deebo do, scores or gets hurt, this week he chose 20 points. DMonty 21, Amon 13, Boswell 17 and GB Def 12. TBIAC stat line didn’t look that good, especially for him. Evans 5, Moore 6 and Saquon 7. But breakout rookie Bowers caught 16, Kamara 17 and rookie sensation JDaniels 20. Fairbairn 12 and CLE D 14. When this intrepid reporter looked up at the scoreboard, two things stood out. The brain-trust of digital ballers started CRidley. What did they know? Some matchup scenario? Some inside knowledge gleamed from the intra-web? Ridley’s stat line- 8 targets 0 catches 1 rush 9 yards. Total…0.9 pts. Terrible call Coach! And the second choice may have been worse. Purdy and his 24 watched Dak fail over and over again. Worst call Coach. Final score 108-111. 3 point loss could have been easily won by DFUN and his geek squad. But it wasn’t.

As for salaries in the NFL and building winning teams…..

Ok, one third of the way into the season, AintReba is undefeated, followed closely by TBIAC, then everyone else is fighting to stay at or above .500 (though some say Pigg ain’t fighting very hard😂). Still plenty of time to get healthy, pick up a player or even, God forbid, make a trade. Week 6 is wrapped, 7 is coming quick. Let’s get ready to play some fake computer football!!!

Week 5 has come and gone. As usual we had some good games, and some bad. But remember that is early on in the season and anything can happen!!!! (Ex. AintReba winning, Sam Darnold undefeated, DFUN not in last) ANYTHING can happen. The ‘Boys won in the last seconds, SF lost to the Cards in the last seconds and Aaron Raaawwwdddggggeeerrsss got his coach fired (rumor). Boston RedSox coming back 0-3 to beat the Yankees is probably the biggest shocker this reporter has ever witnessed. But maybe the Vandy over Alabama? It’s tough to say. But this week we all watched in amazement, wonder and awe at the biggest game of our FFL season. A talentless team, with no direction or management, came together on one given Sunday and played her tiny little heart out. It doesn’t matter if this brave, talentless FFL governor won or lost. It only matters that she tried. It’s all about the ❤️

And if you thought we were not in wonky fantasy football times…..

Playing way up north, in the frozen tundra, Nizzle arrived at CampingWorld.com stadium via private helicopter (rumor is that is was Jerry Jones’s helicopter, they are neighbors-just sayin) and was ready to lay down the 6th worst score this week. And he did! Team Pigg did him one better. 7th worst score. 110-103. A nice coaching move by Nizzle starting Trey Sermom, 18 and the infuriating Pitts, 15. Pigg rallied with 21 from the DEN D. That’s it. But at least he had nothing on the bench. Nizzle, after a five course meal at the Chateau de Riche, flew home to his uptown condo, smoked a celebratory Cuban and fired his entire coaching staff.

TBIAC v Big Diesel. A battle for 2nd place in the playoffs. Two hated rivals who may have never met? Well, they squared up in the swanky confines of Big D, just in sight of Jerry’s helicopter landing pad. These two teams did not disappoint. Knowing they are playing for the first runner up spot in this years playoff, both coaches were ready to go! Mahomey continues to disappoint with 13, also continuing to disappoint is Breece, 6. But Hubbard surprising 17 and Aiyuks surprising 22 and SF Defs surprising 16 put the former west coaster Big Diesel, in the drivers seat. Then he drove straight into a brick wall of FFL greatness! 19 from the rookie Daniel’s, 20 from Swift, 27 by DJM and 23 from the other rookie Bowers. TBIAC showed up ready to fight and in that fight, he won 149-130. Good teams, good game, sure we will see them go at it again!

AintReba’s revenge train came hurtling down the tracks and straight onto Nashville Broadway Street, injuring many Vandy fans who were stilll celebrating their crazy win over Alabama. A little, lowly school with no football history took on the biggest bully on the block. And when the game was over, little ol’ Vandy was tearing down the goalpost and celebrating like a bunch of drunken college students, as they should! Would the lil ol’ Cats do the same? Lots of heart, and injuries versus the unstoppable songstress. Will the goalpost come down? No. 147-117. AintReba wins, again, and Cats lose again. Just another week in TISB! Maybe it’ll happen next week, but it probably won’t.

And in the game no one was waiting to see, winless LO took on the surprisingly winned DFUN. Tickets were free and still no one came to watch. Most fans figured they would wait to watch these two meet up in the Sacko Bowl. But, like Vandy and Bama, things can happen. And it definitely happened this week at DFUN stadium (no one has purchased the naming rights as of now). The Commish slowly walked out of the tunnel, followed by a weary, beat up group of FFL’ers. Dak 16, Jacobs 16, JJeff 15 and Kelce finally stopped looking up in the suites to catch a look at his lover, and actually caught some footballs, 16. And now back to our title “It’s about the heart, not the talent”. LO is absolutely not a talented team. Winless all season, no good players and an aversion to trades. But she is a fighter! She rallied her club of not really lovable losers and played their tiny little hearts out! TLaw 21, Rhamondre 19, London hhhhuuuuuuugggggeeeee 33 and 27 from the Minny D. She even left Mooneys 31 on the bench. 183-84. Almost a 100 point swing. Not sure this veteran reporter has ever seen a beating like this! It was alllll heart….. and a terrible DFUN team.