Yes, it happened. We aren’t even going to act like no one noticed “the shot heard around the world”! In a “Rudy” like underdog story, a real rags to riches fable, a Cinderella story if you will. The FFL story we’ve all been buzzing about….. Cats win again. Or was it LO lost again? Nobody was surprised Vina Mites lost or Nizzle02 won. Ooooohhh yeah, I see it now….DFUN WINS DFUN WINS DFUN WINS!!! The epic losing streak is over at 274 straight losses. Fireworks ensued, tears were shed and somewhere far far away, a little angel got it’s wings.

Week 7 is over, week 8 is coming quickly. More of the same…injuries, waiver pickups, terrible TE’s and the dreaded bye weeks. Rumor has it that there may be a trade going down (doubt it). Sit back, relax and enjoy a quick (it’s Sunday night and I’m half in the bag) recap of “This is Serious Business”.

Yup, it happened. And it happened to LO, who had gotten real comfortable sitting on her high horse near the top of the standings (her feet still didn’t touch the floor). But in FFL there is no given, no easy W. As it has been all season, K and Def made an impact. LO’s totaled 5, DFUN’s 31pts. Herbert beat Raaaaaawwwwdddggggeeeerrrrss by 2, Ekeler outscored Drake by 23. On the flip side Foreman was up 6 on Waddle, the rest was a wash. Offensive players were 72-63 in Laces Out’s favor. But it’s a team game and this week it payed off for the Commish and his first win of the campaign, 94-77.

102-86. Nizzle02 remains on fire while TBIAC continues searching for consistency. The Capt got 2 zero’s and a 4 from London, Andrews (hurt) and Cooks. Nizz is still riding his stallion Jacobs (bound to be injured soon), 33 and Jones 19. 31 from the TEN Def was wasted by TBIAC, while Nizzle02 had a respectable 19 from his special teams. These two teams have been fighting for the title of “King/Queen of Oaklawn” for years. Grider has always been the peoples champ (of the Oaklawn crowd) but TBIAC isn’t just going to lie down and take this like a man! This could be a rematch to look forward to!

The lil d Ceiling Cats snuck into the Grand Ol Opry, navigated the tunnels and paths, avoided the security and the lost hopes and dreams, and snuck into the basement dwelling of AintReba. Before the diminutive diva could move, the Cats were all over her. The Dallas Def was really looking for revenge, having been dropped by red dirt artist a few weeks ago. 131-77. What’s that joke about playing a country song backwards? Get your dog back, your truck back……. but not the W.

Brother on brother violence like this has not been since the Civil War or maybe backstage at a Jonas Brothers concert (ask Nizzle02 about that). The two West Coasters met up and one came out swinging…and didn’t stop till it was alllllll over. Big Diesel 104 over Vina-Mites 70. Mahomie 26, Zeke 17, wasn’t worthless for a change, JuJu 18, wasn’t worthless for a change and Kittle back to his norm, 15. For VM, Amon St Brown 0, Schultz 4, Goodwin 4. In a rare occurrence, BD’s special teams combined for a -1 but was still enough for a W.

And here we go. When we changed platforms (forced by the Commish) we knew there would be some changes, some issues, some problems. The tenths of points were one of them. But really, how many time will it matter? And seriously, a half point is 5 yards rushing or receiving. It will literally never matter. And then it did. Pigg was watching Monday Night Football, staring intently at his phone and the tv. His arch rival, LGB sat at 90.38 pts. Pigg had one player left, David Montgomery, RB for da Bears. He had 62 yards and a TD and now the team was running out the clock. Pigg was down by .24 of a point. One hand off, 1 yard, run out the clock, game over and FFL W in the bag. All that was left was the snap, the handoff, the carry, times runs out, game over. Exactly as planned! Except it was the Bears 3rd string RB, don’t know his name, no one knows his name. His coach said “Hey you, running guy, go run” or something like that. He got the carry. FFL loss… by .25 points. LGB steals the election, ummm, I mean game!

Week 8 coming soon, always remember to bookmark mattstinypenis.com on all your and your families devices!!

Week 6 was a big week here in “this is serious business”! Big dawgs went down, lil kittens roared and the Commish continued on the path to 0-16. Bye weeks are here and have to be navigated. Scores will generally drop from here on due to attrition, injury and playing your second QB, if you have one. Keep your head up, and sleep well knowing Nizzle02 wasn’t talking about you….or was he?

Pigg welcomed the CaliTexan Diesel to the bitter North for a showdown of mid level teams. Both need a win, but only one will walk off the frozen tundra with a victory, unless it’s a tie, then neither will/won’t. Let’s hope it’s not a tie! Mahomie versus Geno…19-12. CEH v Mixon… 3-12. Coop and JJeff tied, Kamara and Pittman tied, almost. Kittle bested Everett by 6, but MVS caught zero while Kirk nabbed 6. This is gonna be a close one fantasy football fans!! Down to the special teams as we have seen so many times this year. SF Def 6, TB Def 6. Holy Cow!!! It’s time for the K to shine! Diesels foot soldier Succop booted 14 while Piggs only got 8. It’s all over!! Or is it? We have one more score from the RB position. UNT’s own JWilsonJr ran for 0.5 while Montgomery stumbled for 8. Now it’s all over! Pigg wins 81-74. What a rollercoaster ride (unless you happened to look at the weekly scores anytime before now).

In a game closer than anyone thought, DFUN still went down 117-62 at the hands of LGB. Gordon and White ran for a combined 2, 11 at WR which actually equaled what Kelce did by himself, and 2 at flex. You’re not winning many games with that stat line… and DFUN didn’t. CMC 15 and Diggs 20, Gesicki (with one of his 4 good games this year) 18 and suddenly relevant RB Walker III 17. Big game for LGB. Pobably could have rested some guys this week… just sayin

AintReba and some surfer guy in board shorts and a Mission style burrito went head to head on the west coast for the chance to be mediocre. QB throw down put JAllen against JHurts…26-16. Benjamin and Big Len combined for 22 at RB countered by Saquon and Dalvin 29. WR Metcalf and Devonta 13 vs Godwin and Big Mike W 10. Both TE’s were terrible (if you don’t have Kelce or Andrew’s this is your weekly curse). Flex went to AintReba’s Henderson with 11 versus Sutton 1. 17-12 at special team wrapped up the unlikely W for the tiny Texan! Side note- I bet he puts shrimp in his burrito…

In what would have been the game of the week….4 years ago, the Ceiling Cats went south to the Big D to take on their hated rival and good friend TBIAC. 144-88 Cats start their winning streak! Waiver wire and late round picks (Stevenson 21, Hall 18 and K Butker 19) joined up with superstar Chase 25 to seal the deal! Chubb and Dobbins sunk the Captains ship early with only 8 between them and zero from the K. Is this the start of a sea change? Or just an off week for TBIAC and the Cats? We have 10 more weeks to find out!

Nizz v LO for the top spot in the league. Two absolute powerhouses squaring off, both looking to make a statement! That statement was “meh“ 85-73 Nizz gets another cheap win. Kyler continued to be a disappointment while Herbert was even worse. AJones and JRob couldn’t break double digits added together. Ekeler was good but Huntley wasn’t. Kupp was a normal human being this week only scoring 9 while Tyreek exploded for 17 for LO. The difference was the flex position. Laces Out got 1 from Locket while Nizzle02 snagged 18 from some dude named D Jackson. Pretty sad day for both teams, but a W is a W. Nizzle02 all alone on top of the leaderboard.

Week 6 is in the books! More injuries, more bye weeks and one monster trade went down (CMC to the Niners). On the FFL level we are still waiting on the first trade of the year. Soooo, say your prayers, take your vitamins and get ready for week 7! It’s gonna be a fun one!

Week 5 started with Nizz, TBIAC and Laces Out on top. VM, Diesel and Pigg in the middle and the rest of the teams just suck and shouldn’t be mentioned here. So as the good teams (not DFUN) fight and claw for playoff positioning, the middle teams competing for a spot in the post season and the rest were planning where to put their new Sacko trophy and accompanying art work (see below). Week 5 looked like a good week for a scrap! Lets see who was ready for one and who got sucker punched!

Nizz v DFUN. After the shellacking last week by the Cats, DFUN’s head coach had a closed door meeting. Shouting was heard, then loud crashing noises and finally soft, infant like crying. Nizzle02 was not available to be interviewed but we can assume his assistant coaches were in contact with the NFL, FantasyPros, NASA and anyone else that could keep them at the top of the standings. Sooooooo, it almost feels like a trap game. One team relaxed and over confident (hopefully), the other angry, hungry, and…. terrible at FFL. Sucker Punch or Scrap….. Neither. Ass-Whooping. Nizz 121-69. The Commish goes to 0-5 behind his combined 3 pts at RB (Akers 3 and Taylor 0 because he was OUT again with an injury). Nizz got 24 from Adams and only 18 from Kupp which was more than enough to get the easy W.

In a big, big battle we move to the Highland Park area where TBIAC hosted the West Coast V Mites. The Capt has been looking to reclaim the top spot for years while VM walked into Texas and started screwing things up for everyone else there (Cali joke). Hurts 27, Saquon 16 and Dalvin Cook 24 for the Mites. TBIAC countered with 25 from Chubb, 25 by King Henry and 14 caught by Andrews. Looks like another contest coming down to K and Def! Joseph kicked 3, Elliot 0. Okay, that was pathetic, so maybe it’ll come down to Def. Philly 4 and the mighty Jax Jags…..11 and the victory. Definitely a scrap!

AintReba took on Team Pigg in the usual “No One Cares” Bowl, but this time it’s different! Pigg is right in the hunt for the Playoffs and AintReba is, hmmmm, terrible, as usual. The final score was exactly what the Vegas sports books thought when they put the over/under at 12 points.😂. But the Country Crooner came for a fight! Josh Allen 35, Fournette 25 and Metcalf 12. (We won’t mention 1 from Harris, Waller with 0 and Gibson 3). Pigg forgot to tell his team that they had a game this week and it showed. Joe Cool 17 and JJfferson 18 and nothing else. Pigg was so bad this week that AintReba’s Def got a -2 and she still took home the victory! Next week Pigg will look to right the ship and Reba will go for her first win streak… ever. Sucker Punch for sure

In the Battle for Lil d, the Cats, fresh off a huge slump busting win over DFUN, hosted LO at “Tidy Cats” Stadium and Grooming Center. Ekeler started and almost ended the week with 173 yards rushing and a pair of TDS (31 points). Then Lockett dog piled the poor Cats with 2TDs and a 100 yards receiving. The final nail in the kitten’s coffin was the Dallas Def running over the Rams for 25 points. Dallas was on the Cats team, on the bench, watching another loss. Not a scrap, bit could have been with better coaching. LO remains on top of the FFL hill for another week.

In the Sunday Night game we had a battle for the Top Gun! These two Aviator extraordinaire’s went head to head and ego to ego in this dogfight! LGB started off the night with Carr being mediocre as usual, CMC and Diggs good, as usual. Tucker 16 and BUF Def, 14, as usual. Unfortunately for LGB, the usual also happened for Gesicki 3, Dillon 3 and Higgins 0 (not really usual, but I needed a third name). 96 points. Big Diesel countered with 30 from Mahomie, 13 by Coop and UNT’s own JWilsonJr rumbled for 19. Kamara finally showed up, going for 100 yds rushing and 90 receiving for 17 points. Diesel’s beloved SF Def got missile lock on LGB and sent him spiraling to a fiery, horrible, crushing defeat with 22 pts. Final 126-96. I’d call it a scrap, just not a good one😅

Another week in the books. The hated and feared bye weeks are among us as are the mounting injuries. Some pre season picks aren’t panning out (most of Cats players) and some unknowns are getting known quickly. We are a third of the way through the FFL marathon so stay hydrated, be ready to zig and/or zag and if anyone wants Zeke, Diesel would like to talk to you!!

Another week complete, 5 wins 5 losses. For some, 5 teams, you are 3-1 and looking like you’ve done this before. Diesel and LGB at 2-2 fighting to stay relevant. Then the bottom dwellers…. Still circling the roundabout for the 4th week in a row, just trying to exit right, but just can’t seem to get over… AintReba and the Commish at 0-4. With AintReba’s history, no one is shocked at her start, but with DFUN, we are even less surprised. They are both terrible at FFL but you’ve got to love their tenacity😂. And then, the peoples Champ, the Lil d Ceiling Cats….1-3. Slump-buster complete, winning streak to begin (probably not). So as week 5 begins, go set those lineups, make some moves, and let’s FFL the sh$t out of this pig!!

Big Diesel took the week 4 off when he played AintReba at his Oakmont Country Club Polo and American Football field and Estates (sooo pretty). 120-91. Josh Allen and DK couldn’t beat Diesel all by themselves. Mahomie 23, Jeff Wilson Jr (UNT’s own) 13 and the resurgent, soon to be benched, CEH 21. Again K and DEF played a big part with Reba totaling 17 from her special teams and BD 41 led by 33 from the Niners D. Easy W for Diesel, and at least AintReba got to enjoy Prime Rib night at the CC. (She ordered it well done😩).

Nizzle02 hosted LGB a the Grider Pay-Day Loan and Pawn Stadium and Govt Housing Arena. Two heavyweights. Two owners who have never met but still HATE the other. One loves guns, the other has body guards! Lets GET IT ONNNNN! 141-102. It’s over. Nizzle02 looks unstoppable as his highly paid team of FFL GMs and scouts have finally put together a winning team (bout damn time). LGB wasn’t bad, just a bad matchup this week. Deebo was brilliant. Tee Higgins keeps stealing points from Jamar Chase and CMC still isn’t injured?? But, Nizz got 29 from JJacobs (resurgence??) and a shock-the-world 31 from TJ Hockenson and solid games from the rest. It was to much to overcome this week, but word on the street is Nizzle02’s weakness (if there is one) is his bench. Let’s all hope….

The Ceiling Cats (kittens of late) were out late, on the mean streets of lil d looking for a fight, an easy fight. And there, across a crowded bar, eyes locked…. DFUN, aka the Commish. He was drunk on anime, smelled of cabbage, and wore long pants. The Cats stood tall, as much as he could, lean, as much as possible in a jumpsuit, and ready to rumble. Ready to teach a slump-buster what a slump-busters job is. The GOAT finally played well 25 (divorce talk to come), Evans 22 and 24 from Koo and GB Def. For the Commish, Raaaawwwwdddjjjjjaaaas was ok, J Taylor got hurt, Kelce and Ceedee snagged 15 each and Penny had the game of his career (sell high) with 27. But a slump-buster is what it is and this week was no exception. Cats 112-93. First win for the Cats (hopefully not last) and 4th loss for the DFUN ( absolutely not his last).

LO vs the west coast plague, Vita-Mites. Laces Out dropped 118 points on her state income tax paying opponent. 21 from Herbert, 28 from Ekeler (sell high), 15 from Tyreek before they carted Tua off the field, mostly dead. And 26 from the K and Def!! But prices are inflated on both our coasts. California being a particular problem. Gas $6.69 a gallon. Loaf of bread $17.99. Homeless sleeping on every corner… free. But it also inflates the FFL scores. Barkley 16, JWilliams 22 and Big Mike Williams 12. 10 for K Carlson and 20 from the Philly Def made it a 124-118 game. If played in Florida or Texas, LO would have won by 3, but it wasn’t. Thanks Biden, inflation is a bitch!

And in the Monday Night Game, Pigg takes on TBIAC in a must win, big dawg, head to head matchup. Pigg is a newcomer to the “winning record” part of our FFL game while TBIAC has always been on the periphery, sometimes looking in, sometimes looking out. This week these two behemoths came out swinging…. softly with an open hand. Lamar Jackson 13, Joe Cool 20. Chubb and King Henry combined for 38, with Pigg scrambling for 20 at his RBs. WR was where this 7 yo girl tickle fight ended, 27 for Pigg (JJeff 21) and only 10 for the Capt. A teacher’s aide was called soon to break up the hair pulling and slapping that was this week 4 throw-down!!!!! (of girls pulling hair and slapping) . 94-87 Pigg

Soooo, week 5 up next. JTaylor out again, JWilliams out for the season, Corderelle P done for weeks, Stafford broken, Baker… well… Baker. We are all fighting our own FFL demons right now. Just remember that there is a long season ahead, wins and losses, crying (LGB), screaming (AintReba), redemption (all of us). Can’t be that bad though, at least we aren’t doing roundabouts……

Some are 3-0, some 0-3, everyone else in the middle. Good starts, bad starts….it’s a long season of ups and downs, injuries and breakouts, handcuffs and waiver wire saviors….and busts. Some big wins this week (LO) some teams may have fallen back to earth (Pigg) and some are right where the belong (DFUN). Some believe it’s bad luck or good luck or great coaching or some weird FFL curse (Cats). But the season goes on and always remember, if you believe in dinosaurs then they will believe in you. And if they believe in you, anything is possible!

TBIAC is off to a scorching 3-0 record with the most points scored (more below). He hosted the Big Diesel in a battle of heavyweights. Mahomie v Lamar 15-39. Jeff Wilson Jr (UNT’s own) 8- King Henry 20. Njoku 14- Andrew’s 20. K and Def were even, but 40 points from the QB is hard to overcome. TBIAC 148-97. The undisputed Champ (after 3 weeks) is TBIAC. Is it a mirage or can he keep this streak going? Week 4 will tell us more….

Vina-Mites hosted the Commish in his California stadium (surrounded by homeless and crime, but great weather!). Another great game by the West Coast newbie, 112 pts. Hurts 27, Cook 13, Barkley 18 and 23 from the Philly D. DFUN countered with 16 at QB, 19 at RB, 24 from the pass catchers and the usual 13 from Kelce at TE. But only 5 from da’ Bears D was just not enough to compete with Vita-Mites. A good game for both, but as usual the Commish takes the L.

In the weekly beat down, Nizzle02 helicoptered into Denton to take on the Cats. And left with the at least 2 of the Cats lives. 104-69. Murray and Brady were meh, RBs meh, Nizzles WR’s snagged 21, Cats caught 12. JRob rumbled for 17 while the hometown hero, Etienne only 7. Then we go to K and Def. 32 for Nizzle02 and 14 for the Kittens. Another win for the Corporation known as Nizz and another terrible loss for the Ceiling Cats.

LGB v AintReba. A battle between the last 9 seasons of the SackoBowl! They were at it again, but surprisingly with winning records. It was a tight one, with neither team wanting to win. But someone has too! Unless it’s a tie, then no one wins, but other than that, someone has to win!! Allen came out throwing with 26, Fournette stumbled for 7 and Henderson tripped for 1. LGB countered with 18 from Geno Smith (?) and 14 total from CMC and Dillon. Metcalf had 12 while Diggs 7, then D Moore got 1 and R Moore 0 (trying not to win). LGB won the TE battle 8-2 and the Flex 14-10. K and Def were a wash. Final 77-82. LGB wins, if you can call it that. AintReba is sure to start churning her roster this week after this weeks sad gridiron slap-fight.

Undefeated Laces Out takes on the one Yankee in the League, undefeated Pigg. this should have been the Sunday night game! Two monster teams going head to head for the chance to be second behind TBIAC. All the pregame hype was there, the fans were there, unfortunately both teams stayed home. 73-59. Stafford and Wentz were Stafford and Wentz. Mixon and Ekeler were terrible. Sanders and Williams were just slightly better than that. JJefferson (in a freak game) 1 and Tyreek (in a freak game) 3. Kirk and Waddle showed up to play with 13 and 11. Pittman only had 7 coming off an injury but Cordarelle Patterson, who did not get the memo on failing miserably this week, busted out with 21. Pigg won the special teams battle 17-9 but it was not enough to win…. or to even score 60. LO goes undefeated after 3 games.

Soooo, after 3 weeks we have TBIAC and LO undefeated. VM, Pigg, Nizz, and LGB AT 2-1. Big Diesel 1-2 and AintReba, the Commish, and Cats at a zero on the campaign. Injuries are starting to take effect, waiver wire adds are more important and trades need to be assessed. Is the GOAT over the hill? Is Barkley back? Josh Allen looks like an MVP but can Hurts stay in the hunt? Will King Henry reclaim his throne or will Mixon finally go to jail (with Tyreek)? Is Cooper Rush the future of the NFL? (No). Week 4 will give us the answers… and many more questions. Play on!