After receiving a cease and desist order from the Commissioner of this so called Fantasy Football League (hence the delay in publishing), this brave writer fought back and got the original suspension stayed by the 2nd Circuit Court of FFL, located, strangely, at 2 Charlies Bar in Denton, TX. This only angered the power hungry Commish and he promptly filed a writ of douchebaggery (not sure if that’s the real name, but that’s what I am calling it) and re-instated the cease and desist. Just this morning my lawyer, the ghost of Johnny Cochrane, contacted me and said I was back in the FFL writing game. He found a higher court of FFL, strangely it was in the UPSTAIRS bar at 2 Charlies, and convinced them that this blog is the only watchdog on the maniacal Commish and without it the other teams would be put in a “Weinstein casting couch” situation. His words.
Soooooo, for now I’m back, but who knows for how long. The Commish is not one to be trifled with. His memory is as long as his team’s losing streak. Pray for my safety.
On to the games! Week 5
DSVP v TBIAC This was just what we thought it would be. Boring. DSVP goes down 98-76. Melvin Gordon goes off for 27, but DSVP matched that with Dak’s 29. Jackson had 10 and Pug’s Hill had 12. Unfortunately for DSVP, that was the end of the matching. The rest of his team failed at FFL’ing. The Capt put a nice week together, despite missing out on some really good trade offers. We will see what week 6 brings for these two warriors.
In the Yankee version of “Fffffffaaaaaammmmmiiiiilllllyyy Fffffeeeuuuuuuuddddd”, we had Biz a -19 point under dog to the senior Pigg. ESPN nailed it once again. Biz 93-77. Raaaawwwwdddddgggjjjaaaasss with 23 (nothing can stop this guy, seriously he is the best! He will live FOREVER!!!), Hogan 13 and TY Hilton with one of his 4 good games a year, 17. Pigg knew he had a problem this week the second he clicked the mouse and put Jay freakin Cutler in the game. Leveon was held to 8 (should have traded him for Zeke, just sayin), Dez with a nice showing, 11. And some dude named Wallace who plays for some team in Baltimore? snagged 13. But the Cutler curse was too strong to emancipate the victory from Biz.
Grider v LO. In an epic showdown of former Championship game losers (both to the Cats), nothing was held back, except lack of talent and roster strength. Which neither seems to have. Grider 78-71 over the tiny, angry LO. When your K is your highest scorer of the week, you usually lose (exception below) and LO’s K had 21 and her RB’s had 11 and 2. Not to be outdone in FFL ineptitude, Grider had a 7 at QB, 0 at TE and only 2 from K. And won. Seriously. Wow.
4.6 pts fav, and the fans fav, the Cats took on lil bro DFUN’s Donut Punchers and won by 23. ESPN….. nailed it. Wentz 27, 52 from 3 RB’s and 15 from ODB. DDP had 35 from the rookie phenom Deshaun Watson and 15 from AB and 9 from Garcon. 23 points combined for the other 6 players. -editors note…. Today we lost a great player and an even better head of hair. ODB has passed away today at the stadium from a broken ankle. He died doing what he loved most, showing off, throwing tantrums and scoring some FFL points. RIP, ODB, you will be missed. Mostly because Cats gave up Deandre Hopkins for you. Bad trade.
DFUN v the Luckiest Team in FFL aka Briskets. Again, ESPN had Briskets a -7pt fav and won by 18. I won’t blame ESPN on this one, no one can tell how bad DFUN will be on a week to week basis. Its impossible. Briskets have caught every team so far on their down week. This week was different, sort of. DFUN was as good as they can be. Fortunately for Briskets, DFUN’s best is horrible and sad. 23 from Hopkins (trade him back to Cats) and 12 from Ertz were the highlights. -7 from the Texans D was the lowlight. ‘Nuff said. Briskets did just enough to win, again. 14 from Trabtree and Beasly (count on that every week!) and Gostkowski leading the team with 15 (if you play DFUN you can win if your K is your leading scorer, the only exception).
Week 6
DFUN v DFUN’s Donut Puncher. This was a battle from the start. Both teams came out swinging and ended up with the best game of the week. Yeah, I know, its DFUN and DDP. It really was. Not kidding. They were actually good. It was like they were real FFL teams! 111-99 DFUN punches the Donut Puncher in his donut punching face. DFUN said “NO MORE” to turning the other “cheek” and fought back against his “Power Top”. Texans D came back from a horrid week 5 to score 23, 13 from Ajayi, 13 from Ertz and 21 from K (barely missed the K high score jinx) ((paradox- if your K is the your high scorer, you lose unless, you play DFUN. But if DFUN’s K is his high scorer and he isn’t playing himself, does he lose? This is going to keep me up at night for days)). DDP wasted another big game from the rookie Watson 23 and 18 from Hyde (again, count on that every week) and a normal game from AB, 21 and a breakout for another rookie Engram 14, just wasn’t enough in this contest of “bottom” feeders
In the “Battle for Oaklawn” TBIAC was a 9 point underdog to the locals favorite, Grider. There was much prancing and headwear, some makeup (unconfirmed) and lots of slapping in this street fight. When the broken high heels and hair weave remnants were counted, TBIAC wins 84-79. Gordon, again, with a huge game 26. Muscle Hamster 14, Evans 15 and the Golden Taint 15. Grider had bad days from Brees, 11 Freeman, 7 and no WR even showed up for this glorified slap-n-tickle battle. Gronk, not scared away by the roving hoards of tranny bikers, hauled in 20. These two clearly hate each other and I, personally, cant wait to see the rematch.
Cats continue to roll 97-61. Playing for their fallen brother, ODB, Wentz tossed 20, the 3 headed RB monster (despite Zeke on bye/suspension) 45 and Greg “the Leg” 11. Biz (who doesn’t take trade offers, just saying) needed some help this week. Ingram ran for 24 and Mccaffrey 11 and the always awesome Justin Tucker 12. But, we have had another loss in our FFL family. I’m sorry to break this news in a public blog, but someone needs to do it. Rrrrrrrrrraaaaaaawwwwwddddddjjjjjjjaaaasss is finished. Broken collar bone. The discount double checker is gone. You will always be remembered
LO continues on her quest for the Sacko, losing 89-73 to Pigg. LO continues to play with her seriously flawed roster (trade!). Brady 16, Fuller (good waiver pick up) 12 and Steelers 10. Everyone else might as well have stayed in the locker room. Pigg, looks to be a serious contender this year despite not have the same luck as the Briskets. Leveon 24, Thompson 13, Fitz 17, K 12 and some guy sitting on his bench named Adrian Peterson 25. In the Dumpster Fire of the West Division, Vegas odds have Pigg as the hands down leader. But only in the Dumpster Fire of the West Division. Not in a real FFL division.
And in the weekends finale, on ESPN “the Ocho” Briskets put his luck up against the luckless DSVP. 91-79 Briskets win again. Despite being a -.2 fav, DSVP found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, yet again. A solid week for Murray 14, McKinnon (great waiver pick up) 19 and 11 from Adams wasn’t enough to counter the lack of output from basically every other position. Briskets dabbed 20 from Cam, 11 for Girley and Trabtree and 15 from Marvin Jones (whoever that is) and a big 21 from the Rams D. Not much more to say about this one. DSVP is really fighting for that Sacko trophy, and you need to respect that.
This is Serious Business FFL 