The 2017-2018 “This is Serious Business” league draft was once again held at Two Charlies, the local FFL hangout. Once again Grider didn’t show. At least this time his excuse was believable. He was kicking poor, Hurricane battered Houstonians out of there soggy third world dwellings, or as Nathan called it….. Vacation. Once again, a very poor turnout for the draft. Is it because everyone was busy? Or are they all tired of watching the Ceiling Cats hand the trophy over to the Ceiling Cats? Or is DSVP just that off-putting? Once again, our Commish let us down horribly. Botching the 8 to 10 team vote, COLLUDING again on the Keepers vote, punishing good teams with his Communistic draft lottery and worst of all……… the Sacko is stuck in some storage pod. Yes, you heard that. The greatest trophy since the Coney Island Mustard Yellow Belt is stuck in a storage pod. That is in clear VIOLATION of “This is Serious Business” bylaws that state the Sacko must be in a visible area in the losers home at all times. Something must be DONE about this atrocitiy. Once again, the trophy handed to the Ceiling Cats (by the Ceiling Cats, if you missed this info earlier) and once again, the Sacko champ being renamed. Team Show Me Yo TD’s will be called DFUN’s Donut Puncher for the rest of the season. DFUN is back to DFUN after spending a year as Griders Power Bottom. For the first time in our illustrious history, we’ve grown to 10 teams. Big D Hungry Briskets and Team Bizness. (neither showed up for the draft).
Five years of the “Lucky Bastard”
(side note- thanks to DSVP and Capt for making the drive to Lil D and to the Cats for the free taco bar.)
Back to the action- 10 teams, weighted lottery (bullshit), $50 per team (the Cats thank you for your donations), 16 weeks of AWESOMENESS!! New addition was DFUN co-owner Courtney and former Commish Reid manning the sticker board!
The drafting was heated. Some were ready for battle, some (DFUN) were failing as usual but going old school with printed paper and pencil, and some had a tummy ache and had Auto Draft set the world record for most WR’s taken in a single draft (DFUN’s Donut Puncher), and some (Grider) paid Matthew Berry from ESPN, as always, to draft for him. Screams were heard throughout the bar as picks flew off the board, some full of elation, some of shame (you know who you are). As per usual, this writer sent the draft off to NASA, the NFL and Google to interpret the results. These are THEIR results, you can argue with them!
DSVP- with the #1 pick in the draft, Penner could not choose wrong. Leveon Bell or David Johnson? No hesitation…. Johnson. He will be the lynchpin for DSVPs entire season, but that should not be a problem because this guy is INDESTRUCTABLE! Murray is getting old, Cooks is in NE, Lacy is fat, Lockett went to KSU and the always injured Sammy Watkins. Grade- B, but only because Johnson is the best player in the league and INDESTRUCTABLE.
Pigg- went with the consensus #2, Bell who skipped all preseason camp and apparently ate at Sizzler every day for lunch and dinner. Over the hill AP, midget Sproles, underachieving Dez and the great Larry Fitz. He needs more Cowboys on his team. Grade- C+
DFUN’s Donut Puncher- Auto Draft. 8 WR’s. QB in 15th round. Crowell and Hyde at RB. Grade- ?
the experts had never seen a draft like this before.
Big D Hungry Briskets- McCoy good if not injured, Girly-man we shall see, Olsen INDESTRUCTABLE, Crabtree TD Vulture, Big Ben and Cam, a couple of Boys and an intriguing M Bryant when not suspended. Grade-A
DFUN- Good RB group if Ajayi isn’t a bust and Montgomery gets the ball, strong WR with ODB, Thomas and Diggs (if Bradford can stay upright). Best draft of DFUN’s sad career. Grade B+
Grider or should I say Team Berry (ESPN FFL expert if ya didn’t know). Freeman good, Lamar Miller, meh. Gronk if he isn’t broken. Old people Brees, Gore and Forte. This could be the end of the Grider playoff run. Grade C
Tom Brady is a Cheater, or for the new guys, Cheat or the Capt (old name). If Gillislee takes over for Blount he will be the steal of the draft. Evans and Winston should be strong. Mixon is a wild-card and the always controversial Goldent Taint, errr Tate. sorry. Grade B+
Laces Out, last years first place Loser. Brady, of course, Beast Mode should be interesting, Cooper is good when Trabtree isn’t vulture-ing his TDs, the Mouth-Breather Manning and Jordy, (who was fantastic down the stretch last year with the Champs) as long as he stays healthy, he is a force. Grade B (mostly because Brady can, unfortunately, do anything)
Lil d Ceiling Cats- All rookie team (Fournette, Cook, Hunt). Could be good or all three could play like rookies. Zeke as long as the courts keep him playing (if so then definitely the steal of the draft, if not, 2nd round pick down the drain). Middling WR, strong D, freaking Marty B at TE. Grade B-
too much unknown.
Team Bizness- Rrraaaawwwwdddddjjjjjaaaass also gives you a chance to win. Add Julio, if not injured, Mccaffrey a rookie and the great Justin Tucker. Down side, TY Hilton’s ups and downs, Ingram touches, Benjamins potato sack-like body and the Red Rocket as back-up QB. Grade B- Rrrraaawwwwddddjjjjaaasss will have to carry this group unless Julio turns it on or McCaff is the real deal.
Week 1 is coming soon, please send all critiques to the Commish. Its always ALL his fault. And don’t forget to vote NO to weighted drafts or else the terrorists win!
This is Serious Business FFL 